Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
