My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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