How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Vodka?
Forever.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
