So drunk its hurt
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
