I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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