Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
How external is "for external use only"?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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