I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
lets start a swedish sibling band together
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
