We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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