You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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