note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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