How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
