Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
