yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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