Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.