you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.