In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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