God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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