just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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