You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
