in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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