I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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