Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
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Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
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GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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