I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
