you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
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