Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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