so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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