Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
