Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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