if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
