Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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