is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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