His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Bring me that man meat
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
