I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
