so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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