We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
