it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
