i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
