i always forget guys have bellybuttons
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
