This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
