Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
