if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
