i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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