He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
