he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
