I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize