come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
