Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
