Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I don't think brook has ever known best
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
