Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
