My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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