A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
