I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
