Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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