In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
