I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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