Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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