I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
