I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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