Porn is love you can see.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
