Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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