He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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