You kept calling me your small dog last night.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
