this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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