Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
