we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize