There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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