At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
