I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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