Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
