I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
