i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
