that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
