Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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