Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
