I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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