he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
