remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So much Jack, so little girl.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
