I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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