I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
